Tag Archives: HUMOR

Notes On Ageing – Volume 78

I’ve heard that life is a series of hurdles. While there may be truth in that it is also a series of probes and pokes and as you age the frequency of probes and pokes increases. Someone is always wanting to put something someplace.

I don’t know how old I was when a doctor first suggested I allow him to stick a finger in my anus but it wasn’t too long after that instead of a finger it was a 6′ colonoscopy tube.

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A Few of the Deplorable

Some of you may have seen this on The Daily Show of September 20, 2016. I couldn’t find it online so I recorded it off TV with my camera. Anyway, all I can say is here are several examples of Trump supporters who are deplorably ignorant. And that’s being kind.

There’s Always Colbert’s Balls!

Here’s but one more example of how comedians are able to filter things down to the base truth. It’s also an example of just how difficult 50% of America finds it impossible to accept the truth. So Donald, you seem to be faced with one of three decisions; tell the truth, continue to lie, or, there’s always Colbert’s balls.

Notes on Ageing, Volume 147

Our pepper mill broke so we went to a kitchen ware shop in Chillicothe to pickup a new one. Walking towards the door my wife commented on how much she enjoyed wandering around these kinds of places.

A little later I mentioned that if we were twenty years younger I’d like to have the kitchen remodeled with new cabinets, appliances, and the works. We both commented on how neither of us may live long enough to see it finished even if we did start such a project.

Continue reading Notes on Ageing, Volume 147

Muslim

IGNORANCE: A recent CNN poll found that 29% of Americans still obama-magic-carpetbelieve Obama is a Muslim. Some say he’s not Christian because he’s liberal. Some say he makes secret Muslim gestures with his hands. I think he flies around inside the White House on a magic carpet he got by sending in labels from Uncle Ali Baba’s Converted  Humus containers.

Stick Snakes & Grizzlies

Back in the 1960s me and some guys I worked with took a hunting/camping trip into the Sierra Nevada Mountains east of Fresno, CA.

We spent Friday and Saturday nights in a very primitive campground at about 6,000 feet. On the first night we built a nice fire and sat around until pretty late drinking beer and telling lies. None of us had a tent so we slept out in the open with nothing but sleeping bags.

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I Want My Olympics

My earliest memories of the Olympics is watching news film of Jessie Owens in the 1936 Berlin Olympics. I wasn’t born yet but sometime in my youth I learned about Owens and saw those films.

From there my memories pretty much jump to 1960 and more news footage of Cassius Clay winning the gold metal at the Rome Olympics.

Over my life the Olympics have become bigger, controversial, more inclusive, and more grandiose. Staging a modern Olympics has put more than one nation at the edge of bankruptcy.

There have always been things about TV’s coverage of the Olympics that have bothered me. If you enjoy a more obscure sport you’ll probably not find much attention given to it. That is such in my case since I’m especially fond of bicycle track racing.

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Notes on Ageing, Volume 132

One of the regular characters of the Bob and Tom radio program was based on the legendary sports caster, Harry Carey. Don’t know what the real Harry Carey was adult diapers like but the B&T version was a gruff sounding lecherous old character that you may not want to baby sit your children or herd your sheep.

In one episode Carey was visited by beautiful young movie star and he was trying to get her to change his adult diaper. She asked if he were incontinent and he replied, “No, just l don’t like getting up.”

I thought of this a couple of days ago when putting on my very first adult diaper. I knew it would happen some day but I’m  pretty happy it’s only temporary and not age related.

Continue reading Notes on Ageing, Volume 132

Time Wasted in Trumpland, Part 1

south park trump banner

Donald Trump just says too much stuff to bother making a comment on each, as it happens. So for a while I’m going to try writing a weekly log or list of the more insane comments that emerge and stink up our atmosphere.

  • In spite of warnings from Constitutional lawyers and powerful military leaders, Trump insist he would be “fine” with trying US citizens in military courts, Guantanamo is high on his list of such. Due process is not as protected under military law and that’s one reason the Bush administration didn’t want Islāmic combatants tried on US soil. By the way, if you don’t know what due process is, you will if it’s denied you.
  • Much to John McCain’s disgust Trump is back on the waterboard kick. Plus much worse.
  • Trump spend a couple of days insisting that Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton were the literal founders of ISIS. He later walked that back half a step and then took a three-quarter step forward.
  • One of Trump’s surrogates,  Katrina Pierson, appeared on a news program and insisted that President Obama had invaded Afghanistan. In spite of the news person’s attempts to set her straight she continued calling it Obama’s War.

Continue reading Time Wasted in Trumpland, Part 1

My Poor Inheritances

Got a call from a cousin over the weekend seeking information about our grandfather’s family. He thinks he has found a distant relative in England and wants to confirm it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about our ancestry so I got to climbing around the limbs of the family tree. One of the things that someone discovered a couple of years ago was the probate of Thomas Chapman’s estate. Thomas died in 1848 and he was my great, great, great-grandfather.

What I recall about Southern economic classes Thomas would have not been a member of the planter class but because he did own land and several slaves he was what my history text called a yeoman farmer. In other words, solidly middle-class.

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Notes on Ageing – Vol. 27

One of my teaching colleagues loved telling the story about where tapioca came from. According to him, “It was the stuff dermatologists scraped off the inside of old people’s legs.”

Yeah, I know that’s gross but once you’ve swallowed your vomit it is very funny.

skI’m telling this because today I went to the dermatologists to have some stuffed removed. As I’ve traveled along life’s highway I began getting these little bump like thingies on my back and around my hair-line. They are called seborrheic keratoses and they come with age. Totally benign they are one of the most common tumors found on old people’s bodies.

The dermatologist got out her jug of liquid nitrogen and quick froze several dozen. For a week or so I’m going to have a bunch of red spots on my face and back and then what’s left will flake off and be mailed to the people who make fish food.

Continue reading Notes on Ageing – Vol. 27

Cheerios & Scotch

glenlivetAn acquaintance of mine once said he only eats Cheerios for breakfast. I replied that I like Cheerios but I usually buy the generic versions. His response was, “Oh, I can’t eat those they don’t taste the same.” Yeah, they don’t taste the same but they both taste good. The nutritional and content labels read the same, they both taste good, they are both good for you, and one costs 33% less than the other. I taught consumer finance for several years and remain a firm believer in receiving value for the buck.

Okay, that takes care of the Cheerio part of the title, now let’s talk about the Scotch part. Scotch is a lot like wine, there are the  connoisseurs who make all kinds of snobbish claims and would never admit to drinking and enjoying an inexpensive table wine from an Ohio vineyard.

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